Closed for the Season (2010) ⭐

Never mind closed for the season this should be knocked down and forgotten about.

Dir. Jay Woelfel

Runtime: 114 minutes

Rating: Not Rated

Starring: Aimee Brooks, Damian Maffei, Joe Unger

This horror/thriller film from 2010 had so much promise when I read the summary for it, unfortunately after getting a numb-bum for the 114 minutes it was playing, I failed to enjoy that potential.

Summary (in 180 characters or less)

Kristy wakes up in a dilapidated theme park that and must survive the living memories/ghosts of the park before she becomes the next victim.

The film is actually… absolutely terrible.

From the start of the film the poor CGI kind of sets a foundation for what to expect. The film is a series of random people and random events which happen in no sensible narrative order. Time/effect and continuity are thrown out of the window and has been crushed by a waiting steamroller. It’s boring boring boring, which is then broken up by random nonsense; before going back to the boring boring boring random nonsense. The story is awful, the plot is confusing, and when you think that the boring nonsense is about to end you get hit with another breeze-block of boring nonsense. I generally like bad films, but this looks like it was made with the intention of being taken serious which in itself is the biggest joke the film delivers. Sometimes a film can be saved by the practical or special effects, so let me mention that… the special effects in the movie are absolutely dire – you’ll know exactly what I mean when you see the Crocodile attack!

The acting is damp and wooden and will never light the world on fire (even if it was doused in fresh petrol first). The main vehicle in the film is Kristy, played by Aimee Brooks, who is the shining light in the cast and is not as wooden and damp as the others – but it’s not an Oscar winning performance either. The Kristy character seems to be losing her mind; seeing ghosts, seeing her own death, seeing her own rape, being attacked by swamp monsters, crocodiles, and seeing a lot of odd balls around the park too.

This is such a poor movie that I’d never watch it again, I struggled to watch it the first time truth be told. Events in the film make little to no sense. Time and Continuity aren’t linear and its hard to stay alert to. If somebody gets you a ticket to a screening of this film – slap them! If somebody buys you a copy of the film never talk to them again and burn their house down before beating them to death with the film case/box.

Avoid avoid avoid or you are risking losing 114 mins of your life and a few more hours on top of that wondering why you bothered. I watched this film a few years ago, and recently again for this review. I feel stupider for watching it more than once.

⭐ (1/10)


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